Buzzards to Fat Men
by Aragem
Summary: Takes place after P&R. The gang is still traveling to Oregon.
1. Chapter 1

"What's wrong with you?" The large metal gray Decepticon asked the dark hair human woman as she step back outside of the unusually built trailer which mostly resembled a house than an actual trailer.

"I'm fine." Margery retorted.

"Uh-huh." Stormsaint replied dryly, clearly not believing her. "When does this thing start anyway?"

Margery checked her watch. "In an hour, settle down. Your stuff ain't gonna run away."

Stormsaint huffed and turned his attention back to the loading and packing of Crash. He didn't understand why Margery was so adamant against packing everything onto Juggernaut and letting the Ex-Guardian carry them all to Oregon for this holiday. But Margery wouldn't hear of it.

"Like hell are we gonna be ridin' in that bastard when he sees one little bee and crashes us into a mountain to get away from it." With that, she crossed her thin fleshy arms over her chest and gave him a look daring him to defy her decree. It was a look that he would have found familiar on any Decepticon general or lieutenant's face.

It was beyond him at how Juggernaut, an ex-Guardian that head and shoulders taller than the Autobot's Omega Supreme and whose two alt-modes was a battle cruiser and a guard tower, had somehow developed a fear of little buzzing insects with stingers during his stay on this planet. Maybe, he could see the hilarity of seeing a laser gun armed, multi-missile carrying, 40,000 tons of power and might could seen fleeing from a small, no bigger than human thumb, bee.

So thus, Dodge and Crash would will be loaded with the humans' luggage and their passengers: Margery, Rachel, and Sally. Triggerflex will be driving Juggernaut to Oregan while he, Stormsaint, will be carrying the matriarch, Grandma Rose.

He considered Grandma Rose the matriarch, the leader, the ruler, the one whose word overruled all. When he first came to this life, living on Earth apart from the war, apart from his fellow Decepticons, he had thought himself the leader of their small group. However, this was not the case.

Everyone seemed to obey Margery's orders.

Everything from Dodge quit racing up and down the high way, you're scaring the damn cows. Juggernaut, stop following the fucking birds, they hate that. Crash, stop crying, it's just a movie, I promise you that the actor is alive and well somewhere jerking off in his bathroom with a bottle of Suave lotion. Triggerflex, you know the fucking rules , don't bring shit up here that can kill me, get those damn snakes outta here. Stormsaint, so help me god, you fuck with me, and I will fucking tell Juggernaut I saw step on a kitten on purpose, yeah, let's see you roll your optics at that.

The only one she could not command was her grandmother. He remember when he had to change his assumption of who was the leader.

Grandma Rose announce that she had received a call from her second daughter, Freda, requesting that Grandma Rose and Margery take in her two daughters for a spell.

Margery was quick to ask the question he had wanted to ask, "How long is a 'spell'?"

Grandma Rose simply sipped her ice tea and sat calmly at the wooden picnic table set outside Margery's trailer. Crash had brought Rose from her small house for her Sunday lunches with Margery. It was during this small get together that Grandma gave the news.

"For how ever long it takes your Aunt Freda and your Uncle George to get things settled."

"Okay, settled as in . . .?" Margery trailed off.

Rose didn't respond. She took a small bite of her chicken sandwich and chewed slowly.

Margery stared at her for a second and then amusement crept across her face. She leaned forward, "Oh my God, little miss Freda's perfect home and marriage is getting nailed by a divorce. Shi. . .shoot, Grandma, tell me the details! Did George do the waitress or something?"

Rose looked up and her pale eyes harden on Margery and Stormsaint swore he saw the younger human femme flinch. "Young lady, they are not getting a divorce, they are merely having financial troubles with the restaurant and their marriage too, but they are just separating to allow them to get their priorities in order and breathe easier. And I don't care much for you acting pleased about it, young lady."

Margery settled back onto her seat and acted as if the scolding had rolled off her. It's the same thing as a divorce. Eventually one of them is going to get a lawyer and file the papers, then fight over custody for the girls."

"Then let's hope it doesn't come to that then." Rose clipped.

"Umm, excuse me." Stormsaint heard Triggerflex whisper quietly to Crash. During the exchange between grandmother and granddaughter, the Cybertronians watched and listen with curiosity. "But what is a divorce."

Crash, having been on Earth and lived among the humans was the expert about human affairs and culture among them. "It means that a married couple don't want to be married to each other so they go to court and get their marriage stopped." Crash shrugged. "It can get really nasty and have lots of fights. Especially if they have offspring."

"I see." Triggerflex replied amazed at which Stormsaint rolled his optics. It seemed that everything about human culture amazed the small scientist.

"So we're stuck with them?" Margery's voice grabbed his attention.

"No, we are not 'stuck' with them. We are keeping them until Freda and George have things taken care of."

Margery leaned forward, her brows slanting. "Grandma, did you tell them that we can't keep them?"

Grandma took a slow sip of tea, and Stormsaint knew there was going to be yelling soon.

Margery rose form her seat, her dark tresses hanging over her shoulders, making her look haunted and violent. "Grandma, please, please, please, tell me that you did NOT tell them that we can keep them?"

"Margery, they are your cousins and they are family. Family looks after family."

Margery nearly gnashed her teeth. "They aren't family to me. As I seemed to recall, Freda tried to get you to hand me over to the state when I was just a kid. I say call that bitch back up and tell her to hand her kids over to the state."

Rose's pale eyes flashed. "Margery, do not use that language, especially not toward your own kin. They will be here this Thursday."

"Where are they gonna stay?" Margery challenge. "Rachel is twelve and Sally is three, they gonna stay with you? You're place is too small and . . ." She motioned at walker set aside near Rose's hip. "You can't take care of two kids . . ." Then it dawned on her as it was dawning on Stormsaint. "You mean for them to stay with me!?"

Rose took a deep breath, preparing for battle. "Margery, those poor children are very upset about what is happening with their family. They need to be around familiar . . ."

"Grandma, I haven't seen Rachel since she was five years old. And I never met Sally."

"That will change on Thursday." Rose finished her sandwich and set aside her plate. "Freda is arranging Rachel's school history and grades to be transferred. She'll be going to the local school here and I hope she hasn't missed too much."

Margery's jaw dropped and Stormsaint knew what Rose had said wasn't a good sign. Even Crash's optics widened and he leaned forward, "Miss Rose? Uh. . . when you say that Rachel will be going to school here. . .does that mean she will be living with Margery . . .for a while?"

Rose looked up at him and smiled sweetly, "Yes, Crash. If she stayed here without attending school she'll get far behind and may miss a grade."

Margery found her voice. "Grandma, how long are those kids staying?"

Rose neatly folded her napkin. Stormsaint was ready to reach down and grab this old human and force her to answer Margery, for that he too was interested in the answer.

"Grandma!" Margery clipped out rising from her seat. "Are those kids . . .coming to stay with us . . .or are they moving here?"

Rose looked at Margery with a long gaze that couldn't make Margery retreat back onto her seat. "They are coming to stay with us as long as it takes for their parents to settle things."

Margery restraint broke. "BULLSHIT!!! BULL FUCKIN' SHIT!!!"

Yep, here was the yelling and screaming that Stormsaint had no doubt expected from the beginning. Crash settled back and shook his head and Dodge, whom found admiration at the rate Margery could spew vile obscenities, fought to suppress a smirk. Triggerflex was no doubt planning on the various tests he could run on a two young human femmes.

Rose: MARGERY!!!

Margery: Grandma! You call those fuckers up and tell them no! Tell them HELL no!

Rose: Margery Kayla, I will do no such thing and you are in NO position to order me to do so.

With that, Margery surged from her seat and moved around the picnic table to head for the trailer. "I'LL call those fuckers up and TELL them we CAN'T keep them myself."

And also, with that, Stormsaint felt relief. He didn't want children around here either. His experience with the Yarian taught him that organic young were mentally enabled until they gradually grew to adulthood and needed constant care. He didn't care for the idea that he would no doubt be ordered by Margery to care of these human children.

He was about to settle back, relieved that the matter was averted by the willfulness of Margery Kayla and they held no worries, until . . .

SMACK

It happened so fast, the Decepticon wasn't sure it had happened. Rose has risen from her seat on her weak legs, snatched Margery back by the hair with hand that struck like a snake's and dwelt the younger human femme a blow across the face. It was a move that would have impressed any Decepticon lieutenant and put the fear of authority in any soldier.

Rose released the stunned woman and glared at her with fierce liquid fill optics that made the Cybertronians around feel the heat of that gaze too.

"Margery Kayla, you speak to me like that again, I will skin you alive." Rose's voice seemed to feel the glade. "You are being selfish and horrible to those children. Think about them? You think they want to come here? Their family might be coming apart as you say and I'm sure the last place they want to be in far away from their parents during this difficult time. They are not invading your home or taking anything away from you.

"And they are good kids, not little delinquents like you were Margery. You seem to think that every child was like you were, but that's not true. Rachel is a very quiet and good and Sally is a sweet little girl. They are not coming here to do you any harm or bring you any grief.

"Margery, you are going to greet them into this home with open arms and a smile, or so help me . . . I'll make you wish you were never born."

Stormsaint expected a rebuttal, anything that Margery would do to retake the position of head. He didn't get it.

"Yes ma'am." Margery replied softly in defeat and resignation.

Stormsaint felt disgusted. Margery would have been able to take her. A blow like that shouldn't have demoralize her like that and no doubt if Rose had tried to carry out with her threat of skinning Margery alive, he was certain Margery could have fought her off. Primus, he would have backed her up.

Margery returned to her seat after apologizing and hugging and kissing her Grandma. Stormsaint looked at her in disgust even after Rose, the newly installed Matriarch, was taken back to her home en route escort of Crash and Dodge.

Margery looked up at him. "What?"

"You could have taken her." Storm replied from his spot beside the trailer.

Margery's eyes widen. "Excuse me? You mean for me to beat her up!?"

"Yeah, you forfeited before it began."

"Aw, go to hell, you bitch."

And thus, here he was, carrying the Matriarch to the Ark by her orders that they would go visit the Autobots for this Thanksgiving holiday.

Primus, Margery may be a human femme, but at the very least, she held some decent Decepticon programming . . .if only she had the body to match it.


	2. Traveling

"Fuck this shit." Margery announced as she switched Crash's radio to an oldies channel that Grandma Rose seemed to favor to the KMX station.

Crash merely rolled along the road. His interior was roomy, being that he and dodge subspace. He knew that Margery was feeling freely. She was restrained by Rose's Christian presence.

"Bitch, I was listenin' to that!" Dodge nearly road up on Crash's bumper.

Margery glared at Crash's radio. "Motherfucker, don't ya got your own motherfuckin' radio?"

"It broke after your slaggin' goddamn feet kicked it."

"You pipe sucking bitch, I kicked it cuz you were actin' like a little asshole trying to run down this dog."

Sally, who was sitting in the back in her car seat, her eyes tearing up. "Dodge hit a doggie?"

Margery was quick to respond. "No, honey, the dog got away."

Sally breathed a small sigh of relief and settled back in her car seat. Rachel was leaning against the door, staring out the window. Margery leaned back in the driver compartment and closed her eyes when a soft lilting voice of Jewel began to singing. She trusted Crash to drive without need for direction. He had lived on Earth enough to know the traffic laws, and he had been to Oregon so many times he could find his way there without having to use a GPS.

However, he was going to have to give Triggerflex directions as they go, for if Juggernaut goes off to follow lost children's balloon, he can find the way again. And Crash needed to somehow persuade Dodge from his usual pranks on the road. From streaming through puddles and taking a lunge toward walking pedestrians and averting direction at the last second. And of course, running over small animals.

"Dodge, nooo."

"Aww, come on, everybody hates them."

"I don't care, you'll make Sally cry."

"So?"

"So Margery, Rachel and I would have to travel the next several hours listening to her cry. And that'll make Margery mad."

"She likes puppies and kitties. Not squirrels."

"Actually, she liked all things cute and fluffy."

"She likes you!"

"I'm the exception."

"Bullshit."

"Ask her and find out."

"I think I will."

"Sally?" Crash's radio came to life nearly startling Margery. "Can Dodge run over squirrels?"

"Noooo!!!" Sally nearly shrieked kicking her small legs in horror.

There was a moment of baited silence and Margery waited with a threat of a smile on her lips. Then Crash's inquiry returned, "What can he run over then?"

Sally's response was quick and precise, "Snakes."

"He can run over snakes?"

"Yeah." Sally nodded affirming her permission.

"Okay."

Margery shook her head and settled back into the leather seat and closed her eyes for hopefully an undisturbed nap.

* * *

"I gotta go potty." Sally announced three hours later.

Margery looked wrenched her head away from her chicken sandwich. "Sally, we just left McDonalds, why didn't you go then?"

"I didn't hafta to go din. I gotta go potty."

Margery swallowed down the small heat of anger that threatened to emerge hotter and hotter. "Then you're going to have to hold it then. I just got my sandwich and I'm hungry. We are not stopping until after I finish eating."

"But I gotta go." Sally whined.

"And I gotta eat." Margery retorted.

Rachel looked up from her long stare out of the window and gave Margery a disapproving look. Margery ignored her, yet Crash wasn't willing to let it go.

"Margery, there's a gas station just up the road. It won't take long."

"No, she should have gone while we had stopped. We ain't stoppin' for every little thing she wants or needs."

Sally was silent during this exchange and looked up brightly. "I ain't gotta go no more."

Suddenly, there was nose stinging smell of urine and Margery gritted her teeth. "Crash, pull over."

* * *

It was close to ten minutes before they resume the journey. Sally was wearing a fresh pair of small jeans while the offensive pants and underwear had been rinsed with tap water and safely packed in a plastic store back and then subspaced into Crash's space pockets. Margery thoroughly washed her hands and then finished her sandwiched.

For the next several hours, nothing else happened. Rachel read a quietly read a novel (how she didn't get car sick, Margery couldn't fathom), Sally chattered with Crash, while Margery grabbed a catnap.

As she dazed off, she remember trying to explain Thanksgiving to Stormsaint . . .

* * *

"What's so special about this holiday? You eat dinner. You eat dinner everyday." Stormsaint explained to the slow dark head human. "Nothing special."  
"True, we only eat dinner, but we're being thankful for the meal."

"Meanin?"

"That we are thankful, dammit!"

Stormsaint left it at that. Margery was getting frustrated with him and that usually ended with a torrent of obscenities. He waited, watching her as she took in the linen the humans had left out to dry in the sun. He had to give Rose some credit, using free solar energy to dry clothes seemed more efficient then having to pay for electric energy in a dryer.

"Have you studied American history?" Margery asked looking up at him.

"Back to this 50's period, then I got bored." Stormsaint wasn't one for foreign history.

Margery rolled her eyes and sighed, thrusting the sheet into the basket. "Dammit, been fucking years since I studied this shit. . . .anyway, this is like hundreds of years ago, I think 1500. . .or was that when Columbus discovered America? Dammit, the pilgrims came soon after, I guess. Anyway, back during this time, before their was an American government, it was all just forest."

"Forest?"

"Yeah, like no cities, no highways, no towns, stores, pollution, and shit, just forest." Margery clumsily folded the sheet herself. "Anyway, other in England they were having spats over religion and rights, anyway, a bunch of people named Pilgrims got sick of it and so they came over here to live so they can do what they want without anyone giving them shit about it."

"Go on. . . "

"Well, when they got here, they didn't know shit about growing crops, staying warm in the winter or hunting. They were getting sick and starving and freezing, until the Indians helped them out."

"Who are these Indians?"

"Well, the politically correct term is Native Americans. They are the ones who was living here first."

"They came after them?"

"No, they were here first.."

"But you said there was no civilization on this continent before the Pilgrims came."

"Yeah, but. . .I meant no industry or something like that."

"Then how did these Natives survive?" Stormsaint inquired with a tilt of his head.

"Off the land. Ya know, they hunted, fished, used parts of animals for tools, clothes, and food."

"Disgusting."

"Hey, we still do it today. I mean, we kill cows for beef, cage up minks for mink coats, and. . .don't do much with bones. . . anyway, the Indians felt sorry for the dumbass Pilgrims and taught 'em how to do shit. So I guess they had a meal together and they called it Thanksgiving cuz, the Pilgrims were so thankful for the Indians for pulling their asses out of the fire. . .then later the Indians spent hundreds of years being forced out of their land, being persecuted, enslaved, forced to convert to Christianity, and then massacred."

Stormsaint's optics widen at her.

Margery gave him a shrug and turned her attention back to the laundry.

"You humans are all insane."

"Fuck you. No worse than what you guys no doubt did to Autobots, so shove it."

All the more reason he believed that Margery Kayla held some Decepticon programming.

* * *

The flight to Oregon was more peaceful for Stormsaint than it was below. For some reason, Rose understood that she and Stormsaint had nothing to talk about and was quiet, other than a few polite words tossed.

"Isn't the sky pretty?" She inquired.

"Yes, it is."

"It makes me think that God must like the color blue. The sky is blue and the oceans are blue."

"He must have." Stormsaint replied politely.

Rose went back to studying her Bible, her traveling read and he went back to traversing the airways and making sure he was set on course.

* * *

"SLAGGIT!!! Where are the snakes!?" Dodge bemoaned as he rolled in front of Crash.

Crash sent his inquest to Margery and thus he got the reply, "They hibernate during the cold season. You won't see them on roads until Spring when it warms up."

Dodge revved his engines in disappointment and annoyance. "That little glitch. She KNEW there were no snakes on these roads!!!"

Crash mentally rolled his optics. "Dodge, she's only a little girl, barely out of infancy. There is NO WAY she could have predetermined that were would be no snakes for you to run over."

Little did he known that inside in his backseat, Sally was humming to herself glad that all the little woodland creatures were safe, including snakes.

* * *

"You know where I would like to visit one day. . ." Rose murmured pulling Stormsaint out the reverie of flight.

"No, where?"

"Bethlehem. The site of Christ's birth."

Being located in the Bible Belt of the continent, Stormsaint knew what she meant by Christ. "I see."

There was a long silence.

"But I'm afraid to go."

This snagged Stormsaint's attention. "Afraid?"

Rose was quiet, her thumb rolling over the engraved gold words on the front of the black volume she held. "I don't think I would be safe over there."

"Over where?"

"The Middle East."

"Oh."


End file.
